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Archive for June, 2012

Ready for an Upper?

 

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”

Desmond Tutu

www.buzzfeed.com/expresident/pictures-that-will-restore-your-faith-in-humanity

 

“The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.”

Oscar Wilde

Thank you to my good friend, Scottie H. for sending this link.

 

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“Individually, we are one drop.

Together we are an ocean.”

 Ryunosuke Satoro

 

Everybody likes to win. After all, most people strive for some kind of reward for their efforts, whether on the playing field or in business. But in order to win, does someone else have to lose? Sadly, all too often people believe that the answer is “yes.”

The win/lose attitude, however, limits everyone. It kills cooperation and stifles creativity. Instead of looking at the bigger picture and the broader solution of what’s possible, win/lose thinking narrows the focus down to “what’s in it for me?”

There is another way – in life and in business. In seeking the win for everyone, we must drop our negative behaviors (making someone else look bad, being right at any cost) and pursue positive ones. We emphasize collaboration and cooperative solutions and recognize there is more than one way to look at any situation.

In business, there are many examples of suppliers working together to build their individual businesses to the benefit of a mutual customer, instead of trying to undercut each other. In life, dealing fairly with others creates a “win” for everyone, rather than pursuing lopsided outcomes in favor of one person, while creating upset and dissension for others.

Within a company or department, when individuals are only “out for themselves” it’s the same as adopting a win/lose attitude. The sales person focused only on making her numbers won’t pass on a lead or a piece of vital information to a colleague. The manager vying for a promotion won’t compliment a colleague for good work in a meeting for fear of making that person look too good.

Win/lose attitudes poison the proverbial well for everyone. Win/win attitudes and actions not only look for ways for everyone to succeed, but they also enrich the well with abundance thinking, filling it with ideas, opportunities and possibilities.

Knowing everyone can win – that there is enough business, money, success, resources, and opportunity to go around – each individual can strive to be his or her personal best, while also encouraging and inspiring others to achieve their goals as well.

Even in situations in which one person or party achieves something and another does not – such as in a competitive bidding scenario or sports competition – winning does not mean making another party into “the loser.” Honest, healthy competition brings out the best in everyone. The bar is raised and everyone benefits by showcasing what they can do, fair and square, no matter the outcome.

It takes more from an individual to play win/win – self awareness, self control, mutual respect, letting go of a self-centered ego and supporting the highest good for the company, project or relationship. Win/win players stand out from the rest of the crowd and can always stand tall because they are operating from a higher level of social consciousness by choosing to play a big game. Anyone can play win/lose.

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“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”

                                                                                                                               ~ Andre Gide

Companies and families all over the country are feeling the brunt of the economic crisis.

No doubt you, too, have been touched by the dramatic changes that are affecting our way of living, in many cases for the rest of our lives. Learning how to live effectively in this constant state of change is going to become the key to success and happiness as we move into the future. Here are a few hints:

Live your life with conscious choice rather than through unconscious automatic programming that throws you into being a stimulus-response machine. As much as possible, observe yourself in actionand consciously operate from an objective point of view. This means, you must disengage from becoming “enmeshed” in situations or “hooked in” by individuals, because this is when you lose your perspective and ability to proactively think and act clearly.

You can manage change and conflict or it will manage you. So, whenever you observe yourself in a situation that isn’t working for you, take the following steps:

1) Observe your emotions. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”

2) Observe your thoughts. Ask yourself, “What are the thoughts, judgments, attitudes or perspectives I have that are causing these emotions?”

3) Look at your only options:

  • Change the situation
  • Change your thinking about the situation
  • Leave the situation
  • Stay stuck and trapped

It’s your life and you reap the rewards and consequences of your choices, but the power to respond to the changes around you are yours and yours alone. If it is true that ‘whatever you resist, persists’, then why not embrace change with open arms and explore the possibilities it brings into your life?

Remember this:

“Change is inevitable. It is as certain as life itself. When you are through changing, you are through.”

“No matter how hard you work on the wrong thing, it makes no difference.”

Have you ever heard yourself saying things like…

If only my spouse would stop nagging, I would be happier…

If there wasn’t so much traffic, I would be more relaxed…

If my boss wasn’t critical, I could be more excited about my job…

If my co-worker Helen would just stop complaining, I would love coming to work …

If so, then you are stuck and trapped. You think, “If he she or it would just change, then I’ll be happy, relaxed, etc.”

You are putting your happiness in the hands of your spouse…

You are letting an innate thing like traffic determine your state of mind…

You are allowing your boss to decide your experience of your job…

You are handing your daily work enjoyment over to Helen…

You are giving away your power…the power to determine your own experience. By so doing, you abdicate your ability to choose and you let others choose for you.

Let me ask you this…

If you were truly happy, would it matter that your spouse nagged?

If you were totally relaxed, would you be upset at traffic?

If you were excited about your job, would you care if your boss was critical?

If you truly loved your work on a daily basis, would it matter that Helen complained?

Of course not! Why? Because the problem is not your spouse, the traffic, your boss or Helen. The problem is your experience of all of those things and that’s work you need to do on yourself.

Your experience is your responsibility. Interpret the situation differently. See the benefits. Identify the positives. Perhaps these are opportunities to learn patience and compassion, or how to draw boundaries and make requests! Ask yourself, “What would I have to do to be happier with my spouse, relax in traffic, be excited about my job, and love coming to work?” Maybe therein lies your learning opportunity – a gift in hiding! Change your attitude and it won’t matter that they are the way they are.

“No matter how hard you work on the wrong thing, it makes no difference.”

So stop blaming outside circumstances and others for the way you feel. Be happy, relaxed, excited about your job, and love your work.

Create your own smooth sailing. The rest of the world will do whatever it does.

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