“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
~ Andre Gide
Companies and families all over the country are feeling the brunt of the economic crisis.
No doubt you, too, have been touched by the dramatic changes that are affecting our way of living, in many cases for the rest of our lives. Learning how to live effectively in this constant state of change is going to become the key to success and happiness as we move into the future. Here are a few hints:
Live your life with conscious choice rather than through unconscious automatic programming that throws you into being a stimulus-response machine. As much as possible, observe yourself in actionand consciously operate from an objective point of view. This means, you must disengage from becoming “enmeshed” in situations or “hooked in” by individuals, because this is when you lose your perspective and ability to proactively think and act clearly.
You can manage change and conflict or it will manage you. So, whenever you observe yourself in a situation that isn’t working for you, take the following steps:
1) Observe your emotions. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?”
2) Observe your thoughts. Ask yourself, “What are the thoughts, judgments, attitudes or perspectives I have that are causing these emotions?”
3) Look at your only options:
- Change the situation
- Change your thinking about the situation
- Leave the situation
- Stay stuck and trapped
It’s your life and you reap the rewards and consequences of your choices, but the power to respond to the changes around you are yours and yours alone. If it is true that ‘whatever you resist, persists’, then why not embrace change with open arms and explore the possibilities it brings into your life?
Remember this:
“Change is inevitable. It is as certain as life itself. When you are through changing, you are through.”
“No matter how hard you work on the wrong thing, it makes no difference.”
Have you ever heard yourself saying things like…
If only my spouse would stop nagging, I would be happier…
If there wasn’t so much traffic, I would be more relaxed…
If my boss wasn’t critical, I could be more excited about my job…
If my co-worker Helen would just stop complaining, I would love coming to work …
If so, then you are stuck and trapped. You think, “If he she or it would just change, then I’ll be happy, relaxed, etc.”
You are putting your happiness in the hands of your spouse…
You are letting an innate thing like traffic determine your state of mind…
You are allowing your boss to decide your experience of your job…
You are handing your daily work enjoyment over to Helen…
You are giving away your power…the power to determine your own experience. By so doing, you abdicate your ability to choose and you let others choose for you.
Let me ask you this…
If you were truly happy, would it matter that your spouse nagged?
If you were totally relaxed, would you be upset at traffic?
If you were excited about your job, would you care if your boss was critical?
If you truly loved your work on a daily basis, would it matter that Helen complained?
Of course not! Why? Because the problem is not your spouse, the traffic, your boss or Helen. The problem is your experience of all of those things and that’s work you need to do on yourself.
Your experience is your responsibility. Interpret the situation differently. See the benefits. Identify the positives. Perhaps these are opportunities to learn patience and compassion, or how to draw boundaries and make requests! Ask yourself, “What would I have to do to be happier with my spouse, relax in traffic, be excited about my job, and love coming to work?” Maybe therein lies your learning opportunity – a gift in hiding! Change your attitude and it won’t matter that they are the way they are.
“No matter how hard you work on the wrong thing, it makes no difference.”
So stop blaming outside circumstances and others for the way you feel. Be happy, relaxed, excited about your job, and love your work.
Create your own smooth sailing. The rest of the world will do whatever it does.
Read Full Post »