Archive for July 11th, 2012

How Come I’m Not Getting What I Want?


“I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up!”



How many of you said, you’re going to lose weight, get fit, exercise, spend money on a program and then never go? How many of you attend personal/professional development seminars and emerge with good intentions to change your life and a few months later give up on yourself? How many of you hire a coach to teach you tennis, a golf pro to teach you putting, a music teacher to teach you the piano and within months you feel you have made little progress if any at all?

Apparently, you have to show up!

Many people ask me what is the key to transforming a company, a marriage, a life and rarely do they love the answer because it takes work, commitment, time, energy and sacrifice. Yuk! Who wants to do all that when I can safely fly under the radar and hide in my cubicle? Who wants to study or practice when America’s Got Talent is on or who wants to get up and run when it’s raining out? Who wants to generate connection in our relationship when I have to put the paper down and listen – or even worse, converse?

Participation is the key.

Plain and simple. If your business is faltering, your marriage less than pleasurable, your jeans haven’t fit for years, take a look at your level of participation. How actively have you been doing what you know you need to do to turn things around? If there’s a gap between what you say you want and what you have, ask yourself, “What have I allowed to be more important? What was the short term payoff I received by avoiding doing what I needed to do and was it worth the long term price?” If not, then ask yourself, “How have I not been showing up? What do I need to do differently?”

You will get out of life what you put into it. How’s it going so far? If you really want to know, don’t listen to your own perceptions, rationalizations and excuses. Look at the results. Ask your boss, your co-workers, your spouse, your children and your friends. They will tell you the truth. Listen to them.

If they agree that you’re achieving your goals and creating positive experiences around you, then look in the mirror and congratulate yourself on a job well done. You earned it.

If not,  then perhaps the very best way to advance your dreams into reality is to get a coach, someone who is wholeheartedly committed to your success. But remember, even a coach can’t do it for you because ultimately . . .

Your committed participation is the key to your success.



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