Archive for May, 2013

“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”

 Dalai Lama

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15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

The following was printed in The World Observer Online:

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy 

The author is unknown, but I couldn’t say it any better and have absolutely nothing to add!!

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right. 

There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: 
“Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” 
Wayne Dyer

What difference will it make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control. 

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond winning.”  Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame. 

Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your power away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk.

Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.”  Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible.

From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind.” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining. 

Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism. 

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved, and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others. 

Stop trying so hard to be something you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change. 

Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”   Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels. 

Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different, and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open.

“The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.”   Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears. 

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”   Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses. 

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past.  

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all, life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment.

This is a concept that, for most of us, is hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me, too (it still is), but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at it with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love. . . well, real love is pure, kind, and selfless, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations.

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies, their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need. . . and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially, don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

Thank you to my good friend Susan Hunt for sharing this great article.

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What Do You See?

Nothing is more dangerous than a dogmatic worldview – nothing more constraining, more blinding to innovation, more destructive to human connection.”

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What Do You See?

“A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

‘That laundry is not very clean; she doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.’

Her husband looks on, remaining silent. Every time her neighbor hangs her wash to dry, the young woman makes the same comments.

A month later, the woman is surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and says to her husband: ‘Look, she’s finally learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?’

The husband replies, ‘I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.’

And so it is with life. . . What we see when watching others depends on the clarity of the window through which we look.”

Author Unknown

 Each one of us sees life through a filter which, just like the woman’s windows or the oil filter in your car, can often get “clogged” with judgments, limiting beliefs, fears, and emotional reactions. We don’t see things clearly as they are and our reality is influenced and altered by the filter through which we are looking. This “dirty” filter will not allow positive information/facts to pass through. Instead, they are filtered out and only the mud can stick.

 If you think intimate relationships don’t work, then I guarantee you have a great number of examples of failed relationships to prove it and you personally are likely not riding off into the sunset with Prince/Princess Charming. You ignore the multitude of people who are in happy, loving relationships. Your filter won’t let you see them.

 If you think all Muslims are terrorists, then you no doubt have gathered a lot of evidence to prove it and completely ignore the millions throughout the world who have never harmed anyone in their lives and never will. Your filter simply won’t let them into your awareness.

 If you think homosexuality is deviant behavior, then you have examples of homosexuals who have been promiscuous and lewd and your filter will simply not allow you to see the millions upon millions who lead decent, productive, healthy, normal lives.

 I could go on. There is no limit to our judgments and limiting beliefs. Our filters construct our individual realities. This does not make us bad people, but when we can only see things through one clogged filter, it does mean we are unconscious people and it does have consequences for both the viewer and the viewed.

 Let’s make sure we clean our filters regularly and keep our minds open to other points of view, other realities than our own. In so doing, we allow ourselves to discover what the old filter has been blocking. Amazingly, it may just open up an entirely new world . . . a world that has always been out there, but that we just couldn’t see.

Thank you to my good friend Bryan Peters for sharing this story.

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