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Archive for October, 2013

“If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships – the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace.”

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Wow pic 10-29-13

Last week, I shared the Eight Principles from my Best Selling book, Your Survival Strategies Are Killing You! The Eight Principles You Must Follow to Thrive in Life and Work and how they pertain to good business. This week I have applied them to relationships. As you read, think of someone you are in a relationship with right now. Perhaps it is your spouse or partner, or your child, relative, neighbor, friend or colleague. Ask yourself, “Am I doing all I can to make this a successful experience for us both?”

Principle #1: Honesty:

When I have an honest relationship with reality,

I can make more effective choices.

When I am honest with myself and with you,

I set myself free to really be me.

When I am real, authentic and true,

I make it easier for you to be true, too.

It’s just good for our relationship . . .

 

Principle #2: Keep My Word:

People keep invisible lists in their heads

of those they can count on and those they can’t.

When I give my word to you and keep it,

I build a bridge of trust between us.

When I know I can count on myself to do what I say,

then you will count on me, too.

I want my name to be on your integrity list.

It’s just good for our relationship . . .

 

Principle #3: Acceptance:

As I respect the laws of reality and accept you as you are,

As I begin to trust that who I am is more than enough,

I let go of trying to change you.

I stop fighting against the current.

I begin to understand that everyone and everything that enters my life is there to help me evolve.

I begin to realize you are my greatest teacher

And I say thank you and set out to learn the life lessons that are there for me to learn.

And if I am good student, perhaps you will be willing to learn from me, too.

It’s just good for our relationship . . .

Principle #4: Win/Win:

When I am as committed to having you win as I am for myself to win,

When I am unwilling to have my needs met without yours being fulfilled as well,

When I take responsibility to respect my own wants and needs,

As much as I respect yours,

Then I am playing a really big game.

A game that honors myself and you.

It restores mutual respect, which in turn raises the human spirit.

It’s just good for our relationship . . .

Principle #5: Courage and Commitment:

It takes courage to commit to a relationship when I don’t know how it will turn out.

Yet when I don’t commit with clear intention, I am at the mercy of chance and luck.

I say, “I wish, I want, I hope and I’m trying to make it work between us,” but I am not empowered.

I must be conscious and clear about what I set my will to

because I will always receive the result that supports my commitment.

It never fails.

Commitment is easy when we are in touch with love and getting along well.

It is when things are most difficult that commitment really matters.

Maintaining that commitment takes courage and . . .

It’s just good for our relationship . . .

Principle # 6: Perception/Reality:

My perception is not The Reality.

My perception is only my view, my opinion, my belief, my reality.

I do not own the Capital-T truth. I only have my truth.

This does not make either of us right or wrong.

It merely means we see things differently.

With this understanding, we can work things out with mutual respect.

It’s just good for our relationship . . .

Principle # 7: Accountability:

I am not a victim.

No one can make me do anything I don’t choose to do

or make me feel anything I don’t choose to feel.

I can account for my connection to events as they occur.

My choices put me there.

I have an ability to respond to things as they occur.

I choose my response.

Every choice I have made in my life has led me to this very moment.

I own it all without judgment or blame because every step of the way, I have made the best choice I knew how to make at that time.

So did you.

Taking accountability and responsibility . . .

It’s just good for our relationship . . .

Principle #8: Give and Receive with Gratitude and Love:

Breathing is the most fundamental activity for life itself.

When I breathe in gratitude, abundance and joy,

When I breathe out generosity, forgiveness and understanding,

Love appears. It is as natural as breathing.

When I give and receive equally, I begin to thrive with health, and happiness.

The plants give out an abundance of oxygen that sustains my life. There is no scarcity.

When I breathe out, I do not give carbon dioxide to only certain plants. I give with unconditional generosity.

An abundance of unconditional giving and receiving equals love.

My very life depends upon it. And besides . . .

It’s just good for our relationship . . .

 

For a deeper understanding of the Eight Principles and how they apply to you and your life, you may want to read my book. If you would like to review the introduction and/or the first chapter, please click on the image:

Cover

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“Ethics is nothing else than reverence for life”

Albert Schweitzer

Wow pic 10-22-13

A few years ago, I wrote the book Your Survival Strategies Are Killing You! The Eight Principles You Must Follow to Thrive in Life and at Work and it reached #3 on the Amazon Best Seller List. The following are just a few thoughts that flow from these principles.

Principle #1: Honesty:

When I am authentic and honest, I create sincere and trusting partnerships.

When I seek the honest answer (even if it isn’t what I want to hear),

I deal with reality and will be best prepared to respond effectively.

Being honest requires me to face my fears of rejection and disapproval.

But in the end, isn’t it I who must accept and approve of myself?

When no one is looking and no one knows and maybe never will…

Will I still do the honorable thing?

If I do, then I can be proud of my character. And besides . . .

It’s just good business.

Principle #2: Keep My Word:

“You can count on me. I give you my word.”

With these words, I step into a different space and will be tested.

I may be required to get creative, ask for help, delegate, say no, set priorities.

I may have to face my fears, risk failure and make mistakes.

But aren’t these the very things I have avoided in the past?

And hasn’t it limited me and held me back?

Keeping my word gives me the opportunity to grow, to achieve, to learn.

It helps me become a more effective person.

It generates self esteem, confidence, trust and good will.

It’s just good business.

Principle #3: Acceptance:

Things are how they are.

I can wish, want and hope that they were different, but reality requires me to realize, “it is what it is.”

When I fully accept that, I can stop fighting, resisting and complaining.

I can get on with finding a creative way to deal with the challenges before me.

I can respond in ways that move with the current, not against it.

It’s just good business.

Principle #4: Win/Win:

When I put the good of the team above my own ego,

When I support the success of the entire company above my own need to be right,

When I let go of being a part of the problem and begin to look for solutions,

Everyone else wins and so do I!

When I stand up for my human right to be respected,

When I maintain my own boundaries and create a healthy life balance,

When I confront difficult situations that may be hurting me,

I win and so does everyone else!

It’s just good business.

 Principle #5: Courage and Commitment:

Courage and commitment does not come cheaply. The risks are great.

When I truly commit, I do so with the realization that I may not be up to the task.

There is no guarantee I will succeed and there are bound to be obstacles and barriers along the way.

However, there comes a critical moment in the process when I realize I have a choice – to quit or courageously persevere.

It is at this moment that I determine if I will win or lose.

If I am committed to becoming the very best I can possibly be,

My choice is already made.

It’s just good business.

Principle #6: Perception and Reality:

We do not always see eye-to-eye.

Yet which of us is right?

When I let go of my ego long enough to realize that my reality is not “The Reality”

When I am willing to let go of my position and step over to your side and see things from your view

Then perhaps you will be more willing to truly listen to mine.

Together we can find a solution and mend any differences.

If we are willing…

It’s just good business

Principle # 7: Accountability:

When I take full ownership of my actions, reactions and results

I begin to control my life.

When I am a victim, I am allowing external circumstances to control me.

I blame the client, the economy, not having enough time or resources, and everything else.

On the other hand, when I choose to regain my personal power,

I realize every choice I made led me to where I am right now.

I do not blame.

I acknowledge personal accountability for my results.

If that’s not good news, I can make different choices and change it!

Now.

It’s just good business.

Principle #8: Give and Receive with Gratitude

The Balance of Nature. It is the secret of success throughout the Universe.

In everyday life, I have multiple opportunities to practice balance.

When I ask, “What can I do for you?” I am out-flowing a generosity of spirit.

Especially when I give without concern for what I will get in return.

When I am also willing to gratefully receive support, suggestions and constructive feedback, I am unconditionally receiving.

By giving others the opportunity to contribute, I allow the flow of giving to continue.

When I am giving and receiving as an individual and as a business, I am in balance and in alignment with the natural rhythm of the Universe.

I become a conduit for its energetic force.

I am powerful and capable of creating great things . . . and besides . . .

It’s just good business.

 

Please click on my book if you’d like to purchase it:

Cover

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Astounding Facts

“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”

John Adams

soldier w flag

Please take 5 minutes to reflect on the following facts.

Five minutes. That’s all I’m asking.

Don’t quickly click off this site and pretend these facts don’t exist. They are real and unless we truly let them sink in, unless we truly understand what they represent, in real life, we will continue to callously start unnecessary wars while rewarding war machines with outrageous contracts.

We will continue to ignore our responsibility as a nation to properly care for those who have heroically served our country, while at the same time granting corporations and the extremely wealthy a plethora of tax loopholes.

I find the following to be astounding . . .

22 veterans kill themselves every day – that’s almost one an hour.

Last year we lost more veterans to suicide than soldiers killed in the entire war!

When someone serves in the United States military, there is an implied promise we will do our best to equip them, train them and support them.

We have not done well with our word and for that, I as a citizen, apologize for the way we set our priorities and callously disregard our moral obligations.

 

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“It is not in  the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.”

William Shakespeare

universe pic

Watch your thoughts . . . they become words.

Watch your words . . . they become actions.

Watch your actions . . . they become habits.

Watch your habits . . . they become character.

Watch your character . . . it becomes your destiny

Lao Tzu

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“There are four questions of value in life… What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same. . .”

Don Juan deMarco

Wow pic 10-1-13

A Life That Matters

Ready or not, someday it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will
pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally
disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won’t matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived, at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.
So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance, but of choice.

Vow to live a life that matters.

Author Unknown

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