WoW: Holidays

“Unconditional love is when you learn to accept others exactly the way they are and are willing to forgive the unforgivable. Doing so, is the greatest gift you can give yourself.”

I wish you the gift of true love this Holiday Season,

Martha

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WoW: Too Good To Be True

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha      Too Good to be True?   Whenever something wonderful has come into your life, have you ever felt like it’s just too good to be true? A new love relationship, a sudden windfall of money, a new job that seemed to “just appear”? You hold your breath, you look around and wait for the shoe to drop. Unconsciously, we even sometimes sabotage it, reject it or limit the blessing bestowed upon us.   I wonder why that is? Do we think we’re unworthy to receive it? Or do we think it should go to someone else besides us? Are we afraid to let it in because if we do, then we might lose it and in order to avoid the potential pain of the loss, we never really allow ourselves to completely receive it? Why is there something within us that wants to reject this gift? Why is the sheer joy of abundance sometimes so difficult to receive?   Is there some part of us that feels undeserving? Yet, who are we to say who is/isn’t deserving? The universe always seeks balance, and this balance adjusts, shifts and plays itself out over many lifetimes. It is of such a magnitude that we, with our finite minds, cannot even begin to understand what is ultimately fair.   If, however, we are willing to trust life’s process, then when a gift comes our way, we can understand that we are meant to have it. To accept the great abundance of the universe, we must let go of our ego-fears and self-righteousness. Who are we to turn away a gift when it is given? Accepting it with joy and thanksgiving aligns us with the infinite power of universal energy… all that ever was and all that ever will be… eternity.   My realization and acceptance that abundance is “meant for me”, brings me joy, and joy leads me to pure gratitude. When we say “yes” to the universe, our hearts open and fill with love. There is no place else to go after that except to humbly say, “thank you.”

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WoW: It’s OK To Say No!

“She who does not guide herself according to higher principles, who has no idea, no convictions – such a person is a mere article of the world’s furniture – a thing moved, instead of a living and moving being – an echo, not a voice.”

Henri Frederic Amiel

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It’s OK to Say NO!

Which of the following best describes you?

Are you a people pleaser? Do you feel guilty if you aren’t doing what others ask of you? Are you a natural born “helper”? Will you do anything for people to like you? Do you want to be known as a really “good” person? Is saying “no” REALLY, REALLY hard for you? Are you afraid doing so might hurt your relationships with others or affect how they think of you?  Do you think that saying “no” – to have your needs be more important than helping others – somehow seems selfish?

OR

Are you a creative, spontaneous person who just LOVES to try new things and always has lots of projects going on at one time? Do you find yourself having difficulty finishing what you start? Do you take on more than you can handle? Is your plate often overloaded with things to do? Is saying “no” REALLY, REALLY hard for you? Are you afraid you’ll miss something if you turn down new and different things to do?

OR 

Are you Ms./Mr. Super Human, seeing yourself as capable of taking on more than anyone else? Are you competitive and an over achiever? Do you have trouble admitting maybe you are a normal human like everyone else who has limits? Are you afraid that doing so would project you as weak or incapable? Will you do anything to win?

Are you afraid that if you don’t always lead the pack, somehow, you’ll be lessened as the person you hope people think you are? When met with a challenge, is saying “no” REALLY, REALLY hard for you?

OR

Do you have to be perfect? Do you have to have everything just “so” and spend endless hours on getting everything right? Do you get caught up in the details and lose track of where you were originally headed? Do you have difficulty making decisions? Are you afraid that if you don’t try to be perfect or do perfect work, you might make a mistake or be seen as “wrong”? When asked to move on and not to get mired down in the details, do you find it REALLY, REALLY difficult to say “no” to those little things you think have to be done to be “perfect”?

Perhaps one of the reasons we have such a difficult time saying “no” is because we simply don’t take the time to identify what is truly important to us. In our personal lives, we don’t identify our priorities, the things we absolutely must have to feel whole, complete, balanced, free, alive, joyful and peaceful. Or in a business situation, we don’t identify what is essential to do a job in excellence vs. perfection. 

To be successful in business, it’s sometimes critical to move quickly, and there’s no time for everything to be perfect, nor is it necessary. Sometimes “good enough” is good enough!

There are many things to which we can devote our lives, and they can all have an alluring level of importance. For example, taking care of our children, fulfilling our career objectives, being a contributor to the needs within our communities are many worthy draws on our time and energy. But it’s important we identify what are simply good things to do and what are things we must do to be whole complete human beings. To achieve the latter, you can improve your ability to get back in control of your life very simply. Begin by knowing how to say, “no”.

1) Make a list of the things YOU must have to be a physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy woman. Never mind the wants and needs of anyone else in this exercise. Simply list what YOU want and need – honestly! Admit you have a finite amount of time and energy. Accept you’re a human being and you must take care of yourself. Some of the things you list may involve caring for others, but be careful to not overdue. The activity must not drain or deplete you. If the request doesn’t fit into this list, consider the importance of saying “no”.

2) Say “no” immediately and clearly. If you know the “no” must be made, don’t delay, don’t put it off. There is no need to go into a lengthy explanation. Simply say “no”.

3) Explain why you are saying “no”. Be honest. Don’t avoid or beat around the bush. Just tell the truth as to why you are declining the request. Do it simply, without any negative emotion. It takes courage to say “no”, but do it kindly and with consideration. Be straightforward, calm and maintain an even voice. A simple, “No, I won’t be able to do that right now”, should do the trick.

4) Be attentive to your inclination to give to others at the expense of your own wants and needs. Explore possible alternatives that will create a win/win solution.

5) Sometimes you need to say “no” more than once, especially to people who are used to always hearing you say “yes”. They may not want to accept your answer at first. Let them know you are firm, but do so with measured emotions.

Be who you are. Be true to yourself. That’s the best gift you could ever give to anyone and it’s the best way to take care of yourself. If you want to be admired and loved, show people you respect your own wants and needs. If you’re a person who takes on more than you can handle, STOP! Get back in the driver’s seat of your life. Don’t get caught up in over achieving.

Saying “no” will give you the balance you need to bring health and well-being back into your life. And if you have perfectionist tendencies, say “no” to your inclination to be perfect, lighten up and go with the flow, and remember…

It’s OK to say NO!

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