WoW: You Want WHO To Change?

“The most efficient pathway to God is through a committed relationship.”

Ram Das

You Want WHO To Change?

The word committed in the above quote is important because a committed relationship can be in any form, but it is one you don’t leave. It is one where you commit to work things out through thick and thin. Anybody can quit a relationship and walk out, or avoid in other ways like stopping talking, avoiding confrontation, being unwilling to listen or change. That’s easy and growth will not happen. But when one is committed, one takes on the challenge and opportunity to grow immensely because one is challenged to face problems and breakdowns head-on and is especially challenged to face one’s OWN life lessons.

Most people think if the other person in their committed relationship would only change then everything would be fine. We hear ourselves say, “If my husband would just come home when he says he will” or “If my employees would only work harder” or “If my kids would just stop fighting.” They launch into a campaign to “fix” the other person, but to no avail because,

No matter how hard you work on the wrong thing, it makes no difference!

Those of you who have worked on relationships with me have heard me say many, many times that we attract the perfect people to teach us the lessons WE need to learn in this lifetime to spiritually grow and evolve as human beings on this planet.

For example, have you ever been irritated at your partner for dawdling, or for being late, or for repeating the same silly mistake over and over? Perhaps your lesson is patience or acceptance.

Has your partner ever been irritated at you for dawdling, being late, or repeating the same silly mistake over and over again? Perhaps your lesson is to be proactive in your planning, or to keep your word, or to stay conscious.

To have a committed relationship “work” (as a marriage, a friendship, a parent-child or work relationship) you will be required to learn these lessons, and every time you do, you will grow as a spiritual being.

By spiritual, I don’t necessarily mean religious. I know plenty of people who claim to be religious who aren’t spiritual. The spiritual part of you is the part that walks the High Road. The part that is all forgiving, all loving, and all accepting – the part of you that stands for justice and truth.

We are all familiar with that side of ourselves yet, if you are like most of us, you can slip off this path pretty easily and many times it is because of a breakdown within a committed relationship. When you find your emotions being triggered by another person, what is it you need to learn about yourself?

 If your wife “makes” you angry (maybe you need to learn understanding or self-control). If your husband pushes you around (learn to hold your personal boundaries). If your boss “makes” you want to gossip (learn loyalty or minding your own business). If your children “make” you yell (learn patience or more effective ways to communicate). If you stop talking to a friend (learn forgiveness or a willingness to confront difficult conversations).

I don’t know what it is for you personally, but when emotions are triggered, ask yourself,

“What is the lesson here for me? What do I need to learn?”

A lesson will be served until it is learned.

Have you ever noticed yourself having the same negative reaction over and over?

Have you noticed how you are repeatedly upset with the other person in your relationship because they are doing the same irritating things again and again?

That’s because you haven’t learned YOUR lesson yet. As soon as you do, the problem will go away. Notice I didn’t say the OTHER person would change. They might. They might not. I simply said the problem would go away.

Lessons are neverending. As soon as you learn one lesson, another will soon follow and your perfect teacher will be there to serve it to you. If you resist learning this reality of life, perhaps your lesson is: humility or to surrender and accept. It is what it is.

Your path to spiritual evolvement won’t change and it won’t stop sending you lessons.

Ever.

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WoW: It’s an Event! Join us!

Meet Barbara Fagan, Master Personal & Professional Development Coach, and get a personalized signed book at her upcoming event!

Barbara is a dear friend of mine who I’ve coached with for many years. Her new book, So What, Now What: Designing the Next Chapter of Your LIfe is an excellent read and I highly recommend it! Everyone should have this book!

If you can’t make the event, you can grab her book on Amazon.

Click here

REGISTER

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WoW: Buddhist Prayer of Forgiveness

“One of the wisest decisions you’ll ever make is letting go of what hurts your heart and soul. It is what it is. It was what it was. Learn from it, and let it be….”

Buddhist Prayer of Forgiveness

If I have harmed anyone in any way either knowingly or unknowingly

through my own confusions, I ask their forgiveness.

If anyone has harmed me in any way either knowingly or unknowingly

through their own confusions, I forgive them.

And if there is a situation I am not yet ready to forgive,

I forgive myself for that.

For all the ways that I harm myself, negate, doubt, belittle myself,

judge or be unkind to myself through my own confusions,

I forgive myself.

Thank you to my good friend, Audrey Lucey for sharing this beautiful prayer with us.

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WoW: Inspiration

“The richness I achieve comes from nature, the source of my inspiration.”

Claude Monet

Inspiration

When we were children in school, we learned about the “balance of nature.” We were taught about the sun and how it made the plants grow, and about the animals that fed on the plants, and then, when the animals died, how their bodies would go back to the earth to renew the soil and feed the plants.

As adults, however, many of us have forgotten what we knew as children. Sequestered in our offices, in front of computer screens all day, we are sometimes disconnected from nature. Many of us are unaware of the sound of the rain or the beauty of the snow when it falls. We are far more concerned with the annoyance of having to dress accordingly or to adjust our travel plans.

Nature, however, is a wise teacher who continually reaches out to us with her lessons. Spending time in nature, whether in a park, in an urban setting, along a country road, or in the wild, we remember what we knew, but perhaps have forgotten. When things go off track as they sometimes will, we need to step outside and look for guidance from nature. The answers will be there.

We see the industrious ant that doesn’t waste time bemoaning the fact it isn’t a butterfly. The squirrel that darts from tree to tree gathering nuts as it proactively prepares for what lies ahead. We watch the trees that bend in the wind without resistance as they surrender to conditions as they are, and move with the surrounding forces. Even when a branch breaks and falls, it decays and replenishes the soil so that new growth can spring forth. In nature, there is an ongoing process of which we are just a part. All is as it should be—in balance.

If we want to thrive in our own lives, these behaviors in nature are the same we need to follow:

Stop wasting time comparing ourselves with others. Like the ant, simply get on with life and be productive. Trust in an abundant universe, yet like the squirrel, be accountable for our own well-being and proactively plan ahead. Let go of resisting and fighting conditions. We cannot change and go with the flow like the tree bends with the wind. Be willing to let go of loss and move forward, like the tree that surrenders its limb.

 All of this wisdom is available to us when we allow ourselves to become quiet and listen to what nature is here to teach us. When we do, we can then hear our inner voice of wisdom—the Sage—residing within us all. When we connect with all around us, we become one with universal energy and the answers are clear.

We human beings are the only creatures who, with deliberate action, alter and destroy our natural surroundings, a place we share with a plethora of other creatures. Acting consciously in our environment is a mighty responsibility, and one we can take too lightly unless we spend time in nature, appreciating and learning the lessons she has to teach us. Great artists, like Claude Monet, spent endless hours outdoors as he connected the creative genius he had within with the wonders of nature that surrounded him. Such communion gave the world masterpieces of art. Likewise, we can bring inspiration, hope, unity and peace to the world around us if we too take time to connect with our own greatness through the bountiful life lessons nature generously places before us.

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WoW: The Essence of Life

“The adventure of life is to learn. The goal of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. The challenge of life is to overcome. The essence of life is to care. The secret of life is to dare. The spice of life is to befriend. The beauty of life is to give. The joy of life is to love.”

William Arthur Ward

The Essence of Life

We must be willing to open our minds and hearts to understanding the subconscious beliefs and judgments we individually hold onto so tightly. Once we become aware, we can then route out the ones that may be hurting us and other people, and we can change them if we choose. To do so, however, requires us to face our ever-present need to be right. It takes a huge willingness to ask ourselves…

 Am I willing…

• To risk discovering that maybe the views I have held onto so tightly for so long are indeed only my truth, not the capital “T” Truth?

• To risk letting go…to step outside of my comfort zone and grow beyond the boundaries of my box and discover new possibilities?

• To risk the discomfort of not knowing and the confusion that accompanies change?

• To risk facing and overcoming my fears of being wrong, being rejected, losing, failing, being hurt, or making a mistake?

• To risk tearing down the tough wall behind which I hide and show that down deep I truly care?

• To risk finding out who I really am and live by that?

• To risk the disapproval of others by standing up for my values?

• To risk befriending others who don’t look, act, dress, believe, or live like I do with the intent of understanding them better?

• To risk generously giving unconditionally with no expectations for anything in return?

• To risk a final surrender to love…openly, honestly, vulnerably, and freely?

• To risk what it will take to grow?

 Our ego and its incessant need to protect us, wants us to stay safe. It wants to minimize risk in all of the above areas, and so it tries to hold on to the status quo by getting us to shut down our minds and our hearts. It doesn’t realize that life, living, joy, freedom, and happiness only happen when we open up, let go, and are willing to grow.

ENROLL in the next course for you! www.marthaborst.com/shop

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WoW: So What? Now What?

So What? Now What? Designing a New Chapter in Your Life

Many of you know Barbara Fagan, who has facilitated the Self-Mastery Advanced Course and Leadership with me over the last six years.

For those of you who don’t, Barbara is a Master Coach, recognized by the International Coach Federation, and has trained, as well as certified professional coaches worldwide.

I am so honored to call her my colleague and friend as we have done this work in many different arenas for over 30-plus years.

Barbara just launched her new book, So What, Now What, Designing the Next Chapter of Your Life. As the world has gone through a great deal of change in the last few years, we have all been challenged to take on change. In this book, Barbara shares from her own real-life experience the best strategies and tools to take on change in your life. Whether personal or professional, the tools in this book will assist anyone in embracing change.

Barbara shares real situations of her clients’ experiences in creating positive change in their lives. Taking responsibility to create the change we want is the first important step. Creating clarity about what you want and a powerful vision are the next steps and then committing to it and taking action. Seems simple, however, many people struggle with this. I invite each of you to take advantage of this early bird launch this week and download the e-book for only 99 cents. Click on the book below or the title above to purchase today!

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WoW: Never Grow a Wishbone

“Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.”

Clementine Paddleford

I was very fortunate to have been brought up by parents who supported me in authentically expressing myself without any limitations based on my gender. I loved sports, so my Dad taught me how to aggressively play basketball and how to be good at throwing a fastball. My Mom told me my voice mattered and encouraged me to develop my leadership skills.

We lived on a farm, and my muscles and two hands were needed to do hard work. I learned to drive our 1952 blue Chevy pickup truck when I was nine years old. I was encouraged to always present my “best self” authentically. If that meant wearing jeans and a cowgirl hat or a beautiful dress with hair curled and make-up, it was all OK. I was lucky.

Not every girl receives that guidance at home, and society still tries to limit us. Physical beauty is often the goal vs. mental acuity. Times are changing, but the overt and subtle messages young girls still receive creates confusion, especially when they interact in relationships with boys—and later with men—at work or at play.

It’s hard to believe that in 2024, young girls and women are often relegated to lesser positions and we allow and even accept ourselves to be dominated. We must realize and own our equality. We must never, ever, ever allow anyone to rule us or tell us how we “should” behave. We must maintain complete authority over our own lives and our own bodies. Period!

The following poem was on Facebook and I share it with all of you … men, women, Moms and Dads

For My Daughter

By Sarah McMane

Never play the princess when you can
be the queen:
rule the kingdom, swing a scepter,
wear a crown of gold.
Don’t dance in glass slippers,
crystal carving up your toes —
be a barefoot Amazon instead,
for those shoes will surely shatter on your feet.

Never wear only pink
when you can strut in crimson red,
sweat in heather gray, and
shimmer in sky blue,
claim the golden sun upon your hair.
Colors are for everyone,
boys and girls, men and women —
be a verdant garden, the landscape of Versailles,
not a pale primrose blindly pushed aside.

Chase green dragons and one-eyed zombies,
fierce and fiery toothy monsters,
not merely lazy butterflies,
sweet and slow on summer days.
For you can tame the most brutish beasts
with your wily wits and charm,
and lizard scales feel just as smooth
as gossamer insect wings.

Tramp muddy through the house in
a purple tutu and cowboy boots.
Have a tea party in your overalls.
Build a fort of birch branches,
a zoo of Legos, a rocket ship of
Queen Anne chairs and coverlets,
first stop on the moon.

Dream of dinosaurs and baby dolls,
bold brontosaurus and bookish Belle,
not Barbie on the runway or
Disney damsels in distress —
you are much too strong to play
the simpering waif.

Don a baseball cap, dance with Daddy,
paint your toenails, climb a cottonwood.
Learn to speak with both your mind and heart.
For the ground beneath will hold you, dear —
know that you are free.

And never grow a wishbone, daughter,
where your backbone ought to be.

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WoW: Recipe for Making Dreams Come True

“All our lives are fashioned by our choices. First, we make our choices. Then our choices make us.”

a recipe for making dreams come true

an abundance of energy is all that we are.

the earth, wind, and water,

every far away star,

migrating through the millenniums

from near and from far.

reality is

as i believe it to be.

created by the energy coursing through me.

and i always find what i expect to see.

so only without expectations am i totally free.

deep within myself,

i know the place,

all of creation is mine to embrace.

reality transforms as i reach out and touch grace.

endless possibilities are mine in this space.

i announce my dream, my reason, my purpose for existence;

the path unwinds before me,

my perceptions the only resistance.

blindly, i go forth

seeking out each coincidence.

they are messages from the universe;

a recipe, in a sense.

the cosmos unites and accepts the command.

all energy aligned for i have taken a stand.

the ingredients are mine now.

it all seems quite planned.

my destiny,

my dream,

in the palm of my hand…

                                                                                  ~ rie

This poem was written by a dear friend, Valerie Wilhelm. Valerie wrote this after her Basic Course in 1992. She recently returned for a review and asked to share this with everyone ~ from her heart to yours.

As we say goodbye to 2023 and enter a new year, let’s all remember…

“Every sunset is a time to reset. Every sunrise, a time to begin again.”

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WoW: My Final Thoughts

My final thoughts…

“The Israeli/Hamas War cannot be solved with the same mindset that created it.”

Over the past several weeks, I have provided an open forum for peoples’ views on the Israeli/Hamas war to be heard and respected. One does not need to agree with others in order to listen with the intent to understand differing views.

This will be my last email on this vitally important topic, but before I sign off, I share with you that I don’t for one second pretend to possess all the facts, but here are 10 things that have surfaced for me.

1) Until a person feels heard and understood, they won’t let go of being right about their position, whatever it is, regardless of how many people are killed. They will stay stuck on their “side”.

2) We live in a world where there is a lot of good, but there is also a lot of ignorance and fear. This breeds prejudice, bigotry, and hatred toward anyone “different” than the people we identify with. Oppression and manipulation of others has been with us from the beginning of time and isn’t going to disappear any time soon. Tyrants, terrorists, and those who use power to overpower others, take advantage of this weakness within our human experience. But we all have a choice and at a time like this, we are tested as to where we stand. We each need to ask, “Who am I? What am I? If my life holds any significance whatsoever, what do my choices create in this world? Connection or separation?”

3) For any solution to the Israeli/Palestinian agonizing pain and suffering, each side must have a leader who is willing to learn from the past and respond accountably, not react emotionally. Each must operate with a commitment to let go of being right and positioned in order to find a solution that will work. A WORKABLE solution for peace must be more important than being RIGHT! They need leaders to be willing to find a Win/Win solution in the best interest of the well-being of their people. That leadership does not exist now on either side.

4) Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, can ever excuse the brutal, deadly, inhumane terrorist assault Hamas carried out on innocent Israelis. But no one’s hands are clean. Both the Israeli and Palestinian people  (not the leadership) need to look at how and where they have given away their power and made themselves vulnerable.

5) Taking sides and playing WIN/LOSE is a survival consciousness to which many leaders in the world and their followers are addicted —and it’s killing us and them! The US vs. THEM mentality is the problem. It shows up everywhere and exists all around us. Taking sides and claiming one has a right OVER another, or one is BETTER than another, or one is more RIGHT than another is the problem.

Any attempt to judge, overpower, or denigrate anyone else based on race, religion, gender, age, nationality, disability, sexual orientation or ethnicity is a violation of HUMAN RIGHTS (the right of any human to simply be a human.) Grounded in fear and ignorance, it always creates separation, hatred, hurt, pain, and often, a loss of life.

In the Bill of Rights, our forefathers declared, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Over the years, as we have become more enlightened, educated, experienced, and civilized, we realize it needs to say ALL PEOPLE, not ALL MEN.

6) Today, far too many demands for a cease-fire have turned into a pro-Palestinian anti-Israeli chant, “From the river to the sea”. Yet, when asked what river and what sea, they have no idea and don’t even know what it means. If you, too, don’t know what it means, look it up.

Taking a stand FOR something doesn’t mean you have to be AGAINST something. The Anti-Defamation League reports to date in the US alone, anti-Semitism has risen by 388% since the Hamas attack. That is frightening!!! The terror perpetrated on anyone Jewish (even college Presidents seem to be having difficulty condemning anti-Semitism) tells us how quickly people can twist around the meaning of “peace” and claim, “God is on OUR SIDE.” Which, makes the other guy the devil!

7) Far too many pro-Israeli groups have identified all Palestinians with Hamas terrorists. This supports Islamophobia and triggers someone to shoot three young, bright college boys of Palestinian descent while innocently walking down the street in Nashua, New Hampshire. THAT is frightening!! There are countless decent, proud, good Palestinians who embrace and desperately want peace.

8) I caution all of us who care so deeply to maintain BALANCED thinking when righteously marching or expressing our views. Perhaps the biggest problem of all is how quickly we TAKE SIDES. Instead of positioning ourselves against one another, we must JOIN TOGETHER, get on the same side by finding ONE COMMON CAUSE on which we can all agree… When you march, march for human rights for all. Period. A two-state solution, each with conscious leadership, is the only way either one can survive and thrive.

9) We all have the right to protect ourselves and our families from anyone or anything that attempts to rob us of any of our human rights: Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. To expect Israel to completely stop their military assault on Hamas is unfathomable. Would you roll over and let the murderers of your own children walk away? Especially when those murderers openly declare their very purpose for existence is to obliterate you and your entire country? But destroying Hamas must be done with the utmost caution to not commit the same crimes against humanity that were committed against them.

Evil exists in this world. Hamas must be defeated, Putin must be stopped, Trump’s violent, corrupt toxicity and all his enablers must never again be allowed near the Oval Office.

10) When we take sides, WE ARE the problem. Only when we the people of influence change the framework of OUR thinking, only when we are willing to stand up for justice and equality for all, only when we stand for the right of all people to exist with dignity and respect, and only when we embrace the right of ALL people to be free, can we effect a positive change in our personal lives and expect others to do the same. Until then, when you point one finger at others, look closely and you’ll see three fingers are pointing back.

For those of you who are interested in deepening your understanding further, I HIGHLY recommend you read the following brilliant thinking of those who are far more experienced and capable of expressing their views than I.

Please take a little more time to educate yourselves with REAL words of wisdom…

Chuck Schumer on Anti-Semitism

https://www.democrats.senate.gov/newsroom/press-releases/majority-leader-schumer-delivers-major-address-on-antisemitism-on-the-senate-floor

David Brooks – Nov. 2^nd – How to Stay Sane in Brutalizing Times

David Brooks – Nov. 23^rd – Staying Human in Inhumane Times

Nicolas Kristoff – Nov. 15^th – 5 weeks after the start of the war – What We Got Wrong About Israel and Gaza

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WoW: Final Comments from Readers

I have received so many emails from you regarding your opinions and feelings about the Israeli-Hamas war. Although each has value, I cannot post them all, but I share my last two. I hope sharing all these varying comments and opinions has opened your eyes, as it has mine, to the many points of view felt by truly caring, level-headed, very intelligent people.

This is an extremely complicated problem with many moving parts, yet I hear us all struggling to find a solution. What I realize is that listening, really listening to all the varying views, has broadened my thinking and allowed me to step back and access what I know to be true.

Taking sides doesn’t work… Slaughtering people doesn’t work… letting someone obliterate an entire race doesn’t work… hate doesn’t work… being a victim and blaming others doesn’t work…

I do believe the true solution is relatively simple—but are we big enough to find it?

Are we willing to find it?

To do so, we’d have to let go of being right, and sometimes that’s more important to us than finding a solution. If there was an answer, would we be willing to let go of how we’ve got it all figured out? I do think it’s a question we each must answer…

This view is from my good friend Bob Blumenshine:

HI Martha.

I, too, am one of those people who read but normally don’t venture an opinion, but this time I have to ask a question. Like nearly everyone, I deplore the death and destruction in Gaza. I read the comments about innocent civilians being killed in Gaza and I have to ask—did the Hamas terrorists infiltrate into Gaza from somewhere else? Are they Syrian or Lebanese or Iranian? Or are they the sons and brothers and fathers of native Gazans?

If a people raise their children from birth to hate another group of people, teaches them they should annihilate those people at any cost, then houses, feeds, hides them and allows them to build bunkers and ammunition depots under their apartment buildings and hospitals, allows them to import enormous amounts of high-powered military hardware and build an incredible underground system of tunnels to hide and protect that hardware, are they truly innocent bystanders?

If they elect those same people to be the government of their country, knowing they have the most extreme and violent agenda possible, are they truly innocent? What did the citizens of Gaza expect would happen when they put Hamas in power?

My response:

I hear your point, Bob. It makes sense. Under this premise, however, does it then mean in order for Hamas to be stopped, the Israelis have to bomb ALL of Gaza?

And kill ALL the Palestinians? Then the other voice inside me continuously makes me ask the question, “Does the end justify the means? Is there no other way?”

In 1945, the US dropped two atomic bombs on an enemy who had attacked us and vowed to never surrender until they won. The Japanese people were 100% behind their gov’t and military. The result? 120,000—210,000 men, women and children were killed by the two bombs and aftereffects of radiation. It got the Japanese to surrender and lose, and we won the war against us… Justified?

And finally, this post is from my good friend, Fran Gros:

Dear Martha,

My profound respect for you knows no bounds. The current situation at hand is not one where I seek to assert my views or righteousness. It transcends territorial disputes; it’s a matter of fundamental human rights being violated.

Throughout my life, I’ve dedicated myself to learning, participating in, and educating others about the Holocaust, always holding onto the important values of #NeverForget and #NeverAgain. The barbaric acts that transpired on October 7th defy any justification, period.

When there’s a call for the genocide of an entire race, there can be no resolution. Unfortunately, not everyone comprehends the gravity of this reality. Having lived in Israel for four years, with family and friends on the front lines, some who have tragically lost their lives, I can attest to the excruciating and fearful times Jews worldwide are facing. Here in New York City, as an observant Jew, I am genuinely apprehensive about being in the streets. Our community has been threatened and vandalized, and the deluge of distressing videos and posts has been overwhelming.

Just last week, I visited DC to gauge how others stand up for the Jewish people. Congresswoman Grace Meng expressed two disquieting concerns. Firstly, she encountered people who questioned why Israel deserved this attack, as if seeking justification for such an atrocity. Secondly, she voiced her apprehension about the next generation of politicians, with more than 10 showing personal agendas that conflict with our constitution. If the UN cannot recognize the wrongness of this act of terror, we are indeed in deep trouble, and my fears are compounded.

Of utmost concern are the college campuses. A friend’s child was barricaded in the library at Cornell last week, and I was involved as it was happening. The police were genuinely fearful for the safety of Jewish students, and their inability to protect them is alarming.

It’s disheartening when the world rallies behind something they do not truly understand, with no resolution in sight. This is not a war between Palestinians and Israelis; it’s a conflict involving a terrorist organization that controls Gaza, backed by Iran with support from other countries.

I find myself at a loss for words, and fear for our lives here is a stark reality. It’s bewildering that in 2023, this is the world we inhabit. The war has only just begun, and the days ahead promise more bloodshed, not limited to Israel. I fervently hope my intuition is proven wrong; I wish not to be right.

If you have the fortitude to review the factual accounts The October 7th Hamas-Massacre, you’ll discover that most of these videos were captured by the terrorists for public celebration.

I’m here. Willing to support, discuss, to share viewpoints, and to provide insights—from your loving friend, the Jewish Virgo.

With love and gratitude,

Fran

My response:

In the second World War, in an attempt to avoid violence, millions of Jews chose to passively respond to Hitler’s edict to round them up. The result was for six million to be loaded into box cars, which led them to the gas ovens. I ask all of us, “What would have happened if they had fought for their right to exist? What does #NeverForget and #NeverMore mean to each of us?”

How does one save oneself without also becoming a monster?

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